Kekille Justice, Delivered Medamulane Style

Extracted from a speech made by Ranil Wickremesinghe at Kegalle on June 11, as published on The Sunday Leader

A Tale from Fantasy Land: The :atest Judgment of King Kekille

One day a citizen telephoned King Kekille (Kekille Rajjuruwo) and made a serious complaint. "After he came to power the cost of living has sky-rocketed and poor people like me cannot survive. Even during the Sinhala New Year, your government promised so many concessions to people which were never delivered.The prices of essential items like fuel, milk powder, bread, rice, etc., are going up every day and I cannot bear this any longer.

"The only option left is to write a suicide note and kill myself as I cannot look after my family anymore under your government." King Kekille felt very bad and pleaded with the citizen not to die. "I will find out who is responsible for all these problems and give him an appropriate punishment. Who do you think is causing this high cost of living?" the King asked. "I think this is the fault of Trade Minister," answered the citizen. So King Kekille immediately ordered the Trade Minister to come and reprimanded him. "Because of you the cost of living has gone up and poor people cannot live.

"I am going to severely punish you for this." "But sir, it is not my fault," said the Trade Minister. "This is all due to inflation and inflation is managed by the Secretary to the Treasury. It is he who should be punished." King Kekille immediately summoned the Secretary to the Treasury and gave him an earful. "It is all your fault that the inflation is high and the cost of living is going up. Poor people cannot live under these circumstances. You need to be punished." "Let me explain" said the Secretary to the Treasury."Inflation is high because I have to print money every time the Army Commander asks for more weapons."

"All this has happened because of the war he is leading." Having realised the issue, King Kekille called the Army Commander. "You are the cause for all these problems in the country.Because of this war we have to print more money and inflation is going up. Because of that the cost of living is so high, poor people cannot live.I am going to teach you a good lesson." "Wait a minute," said the Army Commander. "All these happened because your government promised to go to war with LTTE if you win. If LTTE didn't support you, you wouldn't have won."

"So this is actually the fault of LTTE." So King Kekille contacted the Norwegians and Japanese peace makers and through them summoned the LTTE. "Because you supported me to win the election now we are at war.Because of that we need to print money to buy weapons and the inflation is going up.Because of the high cost of living, poor people cannot live. I have no option left now, but to arrest all of you," he informed the LTTE leaders.

LTTE got really panicked and explained to the King:"But sir, we wouldn't have supported you, if we were not given Rs. 150 million by your brother Basil. So if you want to punish somebody you will have to really arrest Basil, who started all this."

King Kekille wanted true justice for his countrymen.So, he immediately called the police and asked them to arrest Basil, who was brought in front of the king."It is all because you gave Rs. 150 million to the LTTE, they blocked the Tamil votes in the north and allowed me to win.

"As a result we are now at war, and everything is messed up. Inflation is high and the cost of living is rising. Poor people cannot live. I have no option, but to arrest the culprit and send him to jail." "But have you forgotten I am your brother," said Basil."No one should arrest his own brother. Why don't you arrest Tiran Alles?" So King Kekille arrested Tiran Alles.